Help, I want to change (really long question)?

My advice towards you would be to take baby steps and one by one the pieces to your puzzle will fall into place. You have so much that you want to change about yourself but you sound like such a great guy! In a way you reminded me of my younger brother who is 16 he too has had to deal with many hardships. Like you his video games are a way to escape the real world. Now I'm not going to shove a bunch of religious stuff down your throat but maybe if you go to church through the readings you will learn to be a humble person and get rid of all of those dark emotions building up in you. Tell yourself that you refuse to give up on yourself and when you feel like all is lost go to church and have your faith restored. And its great that you have a role model no matter who it may be. The first step to becoming a better person is accepting that you have a problem and ways to try and fix it. I hope that everything gets better for you because you sound like a genuine person. Good luck and I hope I helped. :)